Rebel Heart
by faith D
Summary: Alternative story of how Bobby and Lindsay meet


Just thought I'd put all the parts together, hope you don't mind...cos, actually it's based on my sometime very unpleasant experience looking for a fic that is posted in parts, i just have to cruise down all the message here...kinda tiring, so...I put this one, and again hope you don't mind  
  
Tittle : Rebel Heart  
  
Author: Faith  
  
Author's note : It's my first fic, but I've been a member of this group for a while now, hope you like it.   
  
Summary: An alternative version of our favourite couple.  
  
Disclaimer : Not mine...definitely, and the tittle is a song from 'The Corrs' my favourite groups, ooooh and Sam??? He's mine...you can borrow him if you like, though ;D  
  
Part 1  
  
" Can a woman in love with two men at a time, Helen?" Helen was somewhat thrown by the question. Lindsay asked the question in a no-emotions voice, her eyes looking far away, 'detached' a word come to Helen's mind describing Lindsay perfectly.   
  
" What?"   
  
" You heard me, will that make her kind of a whore or anything like that?" She still not looking at Helen.  
  
" Where is this coming from?" When Lindsay didn't answer her Helen got even more curious.   
  
" Lindsay?"  
  
" Oh...It's just a movie that i watch...the character..." Lindsay trailed of, she had a single tear running down her cheek, her head bent down, looking at her hand that she played nervously.  
  
" Yeah right, if it's a movie there won't be tears in your eyes." Helen tried to lighten the mood. Lindsay didn't say anything.  
  
" Linds, tell me, you know you can tell me anything." Helen reached out for Lindsay's hand, squeezed it tightly. It seemed like forever but finally Lindsay spoke.  
  
" It's just...The one is so strong and gentle, make me want to depend on him forever.." A huge pause, Helen visibly surprised.  
  
" the other is so alone make me wanna be with him the whole time..." She finally looked back at Helen, who gasped lightly.  
  
" If a woman can't be in love with two guys at the same time, then wich one is my true love?" Lindsay finished with barely a whisper. She looked miserable with the tears streaming down her face, her eyes full of sadness, confusion, and guilt, and Helen, not knowing what to say or do, drew her for a hug.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
~ * ~  
  
Weeks before  
  
Lindsay Dole waited while the man studied the design intently. It's the fourth draft she makes for the renovation and expantion of the office of Donnell, Young and Frutt, attorneys at Law.   
  
" Well, what do you think?"   
  
" I like it. It's perfect. I can see why people talk so highly of you." Bobby Donnell says giving the paper to her.  
  
" Nothing you'd like to change?"  
  
Bobby shakes his head. " Not at all. So when will you start?"  
  
" Next week, if it's okay with you."  
  
" That'd be great. How long do you think it'll take?"  
  
" I'll finish in about six weeks, hopefully less."  
  
" That soon?"  
  
" Yeah, well, it better be, I plan to take some time offs after that, so hopefully i can finish this soon. But even if I'm not finish by then, one of my colleagues will take over, and I can guarantee that they'll be doing great." She begins to gather her things and stand up.   
  
" I'll see you again Monday."   
  
" Sure."  
  
" Thanks Bobby." She extend her hand.  
  
" You're welcome" He says as he takes her hand.  
  
With a smile and a small nod she left Bobby's office.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
The renovations begin the following Monday. The firm is taking the whole floor, and making quite a dramastic change. Everyone try to keep working as normal as possible in the temporarily chaotic office. Lindsay, determined to finish the work soon, though, worked hard, even after the workers gone. The office is her only project at the momment. Bobby, being the workaholic that he is, work until late at night, so, he often find himself in his office alone with Lindsay. The two began talking while doing their work, Bobby finding Lindsay to be a very interesting friend to talk to. She even knows a lot about law, and her input often help him on his case. Guess after being Helen's roommate in college, make her quite a law literate person. Meanwhile Lindsay also find so many new side of Bobby, all were interesting for her. Helen introduced them when she was dating Bobby, but she only met him twice after that, and they didn't get to know each other better. Although she knew some from Helen's stories, but she didn't get to tell often, especially after the breakup. And now, she finally have that change, while working on his office renovations.  
  
~ * ~  
  
" Okay, Mom. I will, don't worry. Yes, tomorrow, at 7.00 p.m. I won't forget. Now, i have to go, Mom, I still have a lot of work to do." Lindsay put the cell phone away, when her mother raised her voice on the phone." I know it's late Mom, I have to finish this. No, He's okay with it, he's in Chicago, Mom." She had been working in the office for about two weeks and the renovation is half done.  
  
" He'll be back next month."  
  
Bobby came out from his office to get coffee, unintentionally listening to the conversation.  
  
" No, I'm not alone. Bobby's here. He's the senior partner here." Lindsay gave a smile to Bobby, who smiled back.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Okay, night Mom." She sighed, and rubbed her temple, easing the tension headache she developed everytime she talked to her mom.   
  
" Does your Mom as overbearing as mine?" She asked Bobby halfkidding. She didn't really look at him at that momment so she didn't notice the pain in his eyes once the question finished.  
  
" My Mom...she passed away when I was fifteen." Bobby said sadly. Lindsay finally looked up and saw the look on Bobby's face.  
  
" Oh, I'm sorry Bobby. I don't know..." She said apologetically.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Before he even knew it, Bobby find himself sharing his story about his Mom, something he's never done before. It was too great of pain, he kept burried inside. He told her how he turned off the life support of his mother, how the illness slowly made her fading away. All the pain, the fury, the anger, the heartache. Lindsay ached for the man who's now siting on chair not very far away from her. Looking in him the fifteen year old boy, trying to be strong, while afraid, hurting, and feeling alone. And she stepped forward, taking Bobby's hand in hers, kneeling in front of him. His eyes couldn't barely met hers when he retold the story. By the time he finished there were tears in both their eyes. Bobby still not looked at her, finally realising what he's said. Lindsay relishing over the revelation he just shared, knowing that it's probably the very few momment that Bobby ever talk about it, didn't quite know what to do.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I'm sorry, I..." Bobby didn't get to finish his sentence for Lindsay already engulf him in a warm hug, the warm seep through his heart, and he find himself crying like he never had before. Crying for his mom, the woman he love so much, who left him to become afraid of love, of the loneliness that's been with him since the day she passed away. After a few momment, he began to pulled away, looking embarassed.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me...I never talk about her before." Bobby finally able to look at Lindsay's face, seeing sadness and empathy there, and not pity like he used to see on other's eyes when they know the story. She seemed to understand everything. Lindsay still look at him, the sadness he feels, she feels it too. She took his hand in hers, squeezing it, giving him strenght by her action. No words need to be spoken, their eyes said it all.  
  
" I guess i should get back to work now." Bobby broke the silence. Lindsay let go of his hand, and smiled, and sat on Ellenor's chair again.  
  
Bobby started to walk to his office but turned around.  
  
" Lindsay..." Bobby called her when he reached his office door. She looked up. " Yeah...?"  
  
" Thank You." He smiled, his hurt and pain he's been keeping inside somewhat abated.  
  
" You're most welcome." Lindsay smiled back.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Part two  
  
*  
  
*  
  
The days flew by. The renovation was almost finish. The lawyers were quite happy with the result. It's been five weeks. And to make things better, Bobby and Eugene got their client, Mr. Watson an aquittal, he was innocent afterall. Rebecca has just gotten the notification that she passed the bar, so everybody was in full spirit, and they left for a little celebration. Lindsay, who as usual were also at the office, was also joining the party, after some threat from Helen, who always joins the firm bonding, since she dated Bobby, and even after she broke up with him.  
  
But what made her really go though, was the smile of the man who's now standing beside her on the pavement, outside the bar. She didn't bring her car today, and neither did Bobby. They declined the offer from other since their house is on opposite direction of their friend's.   
  
But they were in no luck since apparently no cab was free that night in Boston. The only cab that they manage to flag down, they finally gave to an elderly woman, who was in such a rush.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Why don't we start walking now?" Lindsay finally sick of the waiting made a suggestion that were actually also in Bobby's mind.   
  
" Okay. I think It will take about an hour to get to your place. You're not tired or..." Bobby had been driving Lindsay home several time so he already knew her place. It's coincidentally close to his place, only few blocks away.  
  
" No, I like walking. It's 'only' an hour. If we walk since we got out of the bar, we'd be almost there by now." She started walking.  
  
" Yeah you're right." Bobby finally catched up with her.  
  
" It's beautiful isn't it, summer night, clear sky, full moon, stars..." Lindsay stopped and looked up at the sky stretching both her hand sideways. It was late so not very much people were on the street.  
  
" Yeah, it is. I used to watch them with my telescope, ... with my Mom."   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" You two were very close." Lindsay commented, having heard some more about this woman Bobby adored so much.  
  
" Yeah we were. What about you? Are you and your mom close?" He asked, suddenly realising she never really talks about her parents. All he knew is that her father is a famous surgeon, and that her mom is an executive of some big company. She did talk a lot about her brother though. An oncologist in John Hopkins.  
  
" Not since my parents divorce." He didn't know this fact and was about to say that he was sorry.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" But, don't be sorry for me, it's a long time ago, I guess it's passed me now. I'm okay now." She smiled at him, but he still saw the look of sadness on her eyes. He wanted to take that away. He wanted to heal her, the way she had helped heal him over his mother.  
  
" And about your question, no, we're not too close, I mean we called each other and everything but, not that close, not like you." He wanted to pursue the topic but she already walking few steps ahead of him, so he took a little jog, and finally catched up to her again.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Why did you want to be a lawyer?" She ask as they begin to walk down the road side by side again.  
  
" I know, a clisee question, you may have answered it thousand times now...but I want a real story, you know...from the start...everything."   
  
" Okay, but it's along story."   
  
" Fine by me, It's still a long walk to my apartment anyway."   
  
" You sure you don't wanna try to get another cab?"  
  
" Not if you don't."  
  
" Okay."  
  
" Now, come on conselour, you may start now." They smile at each other.  
  
" It's my dream since I was a child. I used to running around on those offices.." When Lindsay looked up and raised her eyebrow questioningly at him he elaborated.  
  
" My father, he's a janitor at Sullivan, and sometimes i accompanied him to work, I dreamed of becoming one of them, you know fancy suits, be an important person, make arguments..." When Lindsay chuckled softly at this he nudged her on the side making her squeal.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" If you wanna making fun of me of supposedly being too argumentative, I won't continue my story."  
  
" Okay. I won't, I promise." Lindsay made a sign over her heart forcing Bobby to smile.  
  
" But after growing up, i see a lot of injustice in Law, and so many people are not getting good enough lawyer just because they don't have a lot of money, or innocents go to jail of inadequate counsil, people that no one wants to deal with let alone defend. Those are the people I want to fight for, the people I want to help." He was getting too engrossed in his story, he didn't realise that he stopped walking, he looked straight ahead of him, a far away look. Lindsay was standing in front of him looking at the great man she had come to admired.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I came a long way, Linds. And I can't say that I'm always proud of what I have done, I represent, what people say the scum, drugdealers, murderers, rapist...not all of them are innocent, in fact most are obviously guilty, ...using questinable tactics that a lot find despicable..."There were sadness and bitterness in his voice.  
  
" Someone must do the job, Bobby." Lindsay gave his hand a squeeze.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" What you do, It has it's own honour, defending people, try to give them your best, I've seen you, and I must say I'm proud of you, even if you say you don't." He looked at the hand intertwine with his, and looked up to those blue eyes. Feeling at ease, and comfort everytime he's with this woman, finding himself telling secret, sharing himself, so easily. But soon though she let go of his hand, broke their stare and continue to walk along the sidewalk.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I used to dream of becoming a defense lawyer, like you." Lindsay broke the slightly uncomfortable silence.  
  
" Really? Then Why not?"  
  
" I realize, well actually people made me realize that it's not really good for me."  
  
" What?"  
  
" The constant struggle, the inner battle...My grandfather's a defense lawyer, so i know...But now, seeing all of you I know it's actually worth it, seeing your face when Mr. Watson got free, I know it's a constant struggle and that sometimes the pain are too much, but it's worth it, saving someone's life, make a difference...What you do, Bobby, it's important, remember that." She looked at him and smiled.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" So, what are you telling me, here? That you want to jump ship and getting to Law school?"   
  
" At my age?? The other student's gonna call me auntie or something."  
  
She replied playfully. Bobby stopped and regarded her with curiosity.  
  
" And before you make any assumption on my age i suggest that you keep it to yourself, it's rude to ask a woman about her age...amongst other things." She stopped before him, looking pointedly.  
  
" Actually i was going to say that it's a great lost that you're not taking law school, the firm may need a new associate, and you're perfect for the job." He smiled at her, and continued walking.  
  
" Yeah right, you're so good Bobby, I can see why people knocking on your door." Lindsay soon followed him, walking side by side again.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" And that...if you just put those make up off, you'll look like sixteen...they..." He didn't get to finish his sentence and laughed, when Lindsay swatted him playfully. The day before he was taking a fun jog in a small park near his apartment. He never really jogs a lot, and when he does, he usually does it in the other park. But this time he chose this park, simply because it's nearer Lindsay's apartment. And fate brought them together, well, actually Bobby asked Helen in what he thinks a subtle way for sure, about Lindsay's jogging activity. He happens to know that she likes jogging, but doesn't really know the details. But when he saw her that day, he barely recognize her, with her brown hair tied up in a messy ponytail, a short, and sweat, she look so different, young, and so beautiful. They ended up jogging together, and Bobby made a pact with himself to jog with her again sometime.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Stop laughing, Bobby!"  
  
" What? It's the truth Linds, yesterday when i saw you, I swear..."  
  
" Bobby!" She stopped walking and looked at him pointedly. Bobby stopped too and looked back at her, a small smile played on his lips. Lindsay tried to keep her stern posture for a while before her lips turned into a smile. Bobby laughed, feeling happy and relaxed.  
  
" Shut up, Bobby!"  
  
She put her hand around his arm, and they walked together chuckling.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" So have you ever regret it? I mean being an interior designer that you are now?" Bobby asked after a few momment.  
  
" No..not really. I like it very much. I used to think of what ifs back then in college. You know, what if i took Law, what if i were at some place else, i saw Helen everyday getting exited about her lecturer, and everything. But at some point i realised that everything happened for a reason, I was there because I meant to be there, I may not really like it back then, but i will know the good side of it eventually." She still had her hand around his arm.  
  
" And have you find it? The good side?" He looked sideway at her.  
  
" I guess. Yes. I love this job, maybe not really making different in someone's life, but i like to see their eyes, the smile when i finally done with it, you know, the contentment. Everything. Of course there's some annoying clients who never gets enough or don't get satisfied easily, but overall, it's great." She looked at him, smiling.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" You make a big different." Bobby said after a couple of steps.  
  
" What do you mean?" Lindsay asked somewhat confused.  
  
" The way before you come into my life..." Feeling her hand slowly loosen its hold, he corrected himself. "I mean my office..." He hold the hand resting on her arms with his other hand, making sure it won't leave. He knew he was taking a big step, keeping her hand in his, but he couldn't help it. Lindsay felt anything but comfortable with this.   
  
" And I'm not just talking about the renovation, the building or the room, Linds, It's you...How you touch people...It's..." He stopped, forcing her to stopped too, smiled, and looked at her. He saw her feeling unease, and decided maybe he's been too forward about his feeling for her. " I guess you were right." He finally said.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" About?" Lindsay finding the way they've been so physically close to each other not that all comfortable, trying to get her mind somewhere else.  
  
" That everything happened for a reason, we'll find the good...You touch people, not just me Linds, everyone from the office." When she merely looked down he continued. " I mean I've known Ellenor, and Rebecca for years, and I've never been able to make them singing in a bar like you just did." Lindsay finally let out a chuckle, and soon Bobby joined her. Glad to bring back the joy in their conversation. It's been a little too hard and serious.   
  
" Anyway, you have a beautiful voice, Ms. Dole." He told her sincerely.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Why, thank you. Next time I'll get you to sing Mr. Donnell." She looked at him, for the first time in the last few minutes.  
  
" Not in your lifetime." He said then continued. "At least not when I'm sober." They walked the distance left to Lindsay's apartment laughing. Most of the firm member got drunk that night, plus Helen. That's why Rebecca, Ellenor, and Helen were singing as a playback singer for Lindsay. Bobby would've been drunk too, if he doesn't remember he had to meet his father first thing in the morning the next day. And Lindsay remembering she had some preparations left to do, before her big day.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
They were riding upstairs in the elevators finally calmed down a little. But occasionally laughed again remembering their friend's drunken antiques.  
  
" Thanks, Bobby. Good night." Lindsay reached up and kiss his cheek.  
  
" Night, Linds." Bobby looked at her walking inside, closing the door, and he stood there for a few momment. Tonight has been a great night. He felt himself enjoying every second he spent with her, and felt like he has known her forever, yet so many new side of her were still there for him to found out, and so far he liked every bit of it. He knew though that he shouldn't be feeling this way. He made his way back to his apartment, to another night of loneliness.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Lindsay closed the door, and leaned on it with her back against it, thinking back of what just happened. She knew she shouldn't be feeling this way, but she couldn't really control it. He's a very interesting person that Bobby, and she found herself enjoying every new thing she learnt from him. Lindsay flip the lamp after what seem like forever. Her head was a pool of confusion, and her heart is just the same. What she saw though, surprised her even more.  
  
" Surprise?" The man smiled at her.  
  
" Sam what..when..how..you said...?" She stammered, as Sam smiled.  
  
" I just got back today, I have some schedule arranged, and i know that you've been working late, so i decided to stay here, waiting for you. So, you have me this whole weekend, all by yourself. "Sam stood up from his pearch on the couch, and helped her take her coat off. "I miss you so much, sweetheart." Sam kissed his fiancee softly, as tears falling down her eyes.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Part three  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Hi, everyone." Lindsay greeted the office of Donnell, Young and Frutt. Everybody greeted her back. It's lunch time, but Lindsay came to finish up some things. She had been avoiding the office lately, after the night of the little party five days ago. She had been not really at all comfortable seeing Bobby. She replayed the conversation that night, over and over, and she doesn't really happy about it. She's afraid of the feeling she has for him.  
  
" So Lindsay, how's the wedding coming along?" Lucy, who has been hired to replace Rebecca as the office secretary, asked in a cheery tone. She only met Lucy for a few times, but Lucy find Lindsay to be an interesting object and has since stuck her nose in everything that Lindsay do, trying to know her or actually trying to know 'about' her better.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" It's okay." Lindsay tried to get away from the nosy teenager, but she had no such luck.  
  
" I was just wondering, i mean, we just got the invitation today. We know you're engaged and all, but you never told us about him. So who's this Dr. Samuel Rogers?"  
  
" Lucy! I'm trying to work here." Lindsay's getting kind of annoyed, but kept her voice even. Everyone from the office were there, including Bobby. And that fact just made her feel even more uncomfortable. She thought that they'll be out for lunch or something, at least Bobby, but apparently, that day, is an 'office stay in' day. She's been struggling with her feeling, her wedding is next week, and she has all her doubts, confusion, and fear coming back full force. But that's not because of the wedding, but because of the man who's now looking intently at her.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
Bobby who has been watching silently, feeling his heart beat faster. Receiving the invitation today, had seemed so final. He has come to a conclusion, that he's in love with this woman, he knew that she's engaged, that it wasn't right for him to feel that way, but he couldn't control it. Five days ago they were so close, he had a hope that she has feeling for him too. He doesn't dare to think that she love him. He'd been trying not to make any advances, but that night, alone with her, talking so easily, he couldn't help it. But she's been avoiding him ever since. And today, that invitation, the only woman that he's ever been in love with, the only woman who make him whole, is taken. The reality that he's been denying lately, finally sink in. The sound of Lucy's voice bring him back to the present.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Oh, come on...It's lunch time, let us take a break, i've ordered lunch which supposed to be here in twenty, so come on, tell us about him..."  
  
" Yeah, Linds, I'd like to know too..." Ellenor, who's trying to get rid of the headache forming because of the difficult case she's in, finding a new case probably more interesting, Lindsay.  
  
" He's a doctor." Lindsay couldn't take the questioning look the other also giving her. In the time she worked there she had become friends with them. They shared story, jokes, and everything. And she felt like home there.  
  
" Duh...Like we haven't know that already." Lucy said sarcastically.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" How old is he?" Lucy began the barrage of question. Who's soon followed by other. Even Eugene got into his cross examination mode. Only Bobby who's still stay silence. Looking at Lindsay with an expression she couldn't really figure. She usually could read him, but this time there are too many emotions, she couldn't put her finger on.  
  
" Where does he work?"  
  
" How does he look like?"  
  
" Where does he live?"  
  
" When can we see him?"  
  
" Where did you meet him?"  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Lindsay's been on a guilty trip about Sam and Bobby for far too long. Sam's been in Chicago for almost two months now. Having an exchange program, with other doctor. He came home as much as he can, and sometimes Lindsay pay a visit. Nothing really changed between them. Hearing all their question, made her even felt more guilty. One week before the wedding and she felt lost and so unsure. Lindsay has had enough of the question, without a word leaving the office, slamming the door as she left, leaving somewhat a shocked group.   
  
" What's wrong with her?" Jimmy asked breaking the silence.  
  
" It's definitely wedding stress." Lucy chimmed in.  
  
Everybody just shook their head and tried to get back to work. Everybody except Bobby, who after giving Ellenor an advise she's been asked for, walked back to his office, and locked himself there.  
  
*  
  
~ * ~  
  
*  
  
The night, the day after  
  
" Lindsay?" Lindsay jumped at the sound of her name, visibly surprised, almost lost balanced.  
  
" I'm sorry. Did I scare you?"  
  
Bobby helped her steady and couldn't help but smile at the beauty that is Lindsay in her oversized coat with the rollerskate. She lean to a desk nearby. Feeling a bit awkward, this is the first time they talked alone after that night, she thought that the office would be empty by now. She was almost left, she had finished her work, including her last check up. Who thought that Bobby has decided to spent the night here? Not her for sure.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" It's okay. I just didn't hear you coming. I just did some last finishing touch, and pick up some things i need." Showed up a roll of paper. " And do some checking, It's finish now. I was about to leave. What do you think?..." When he merely looked at her, she continued. " about the office..."   
  
Bobby has been looking at Lindsay the whole time that he hasn't really looked at the office. He was out all day today, and was at the office only until 9 a.m. before cought up in the courthouse. There's been some major change today, and the office look " Perfect." He voiced his tought. Lindsay smiled.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Let's see the conference room." Lindsay slide herself around the office, she's a good skater.  
  
" It's great, Linds." Bobby said sincere.   
  
" Nothing you'd like to change?" He looked at her, and laughed despite his sadness, remembering their conversation a few weeks back. He always thought that she's pretty, from the momment Helen introduced them, but he didn't know that she could be this beautiful to him.   
  
" No, nothing to change, It's perfect." He said not only about the conference room but more about the woman looking at him with curiosity. They stared at each other for a momment before Lindsay turned away. The silence became unbearable and Bobby desperately wanting something to talk just to have her near for a few momment longer.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" What are you doing here at..." He check his watch. "10 p.m. at night on that rollerskate?" He asked amused, suddenly remembering Lindsay's rollerskate, Feeling more comfortable with small talks  
  
" Oh..well, my car's kinda cranky today...so i have to get other means of transportation."  
  
" A rollerskate??" He asked disbelievingly.  
  
" What's wrong with that? For your information it's my means of transportation since i was in Highschool" Again Bobby raised his eyebrow questioningly.  
  
" My school is only few blocks away from my house, too close to bring a car, but make me too tired if i have to walk, and i don't really like riding a bike so i use this instead." She pointed at her rollerskate, lifting her left foot a little, smiling proudly.  
  
" And, when i was in college the case were similar, so this, my friend, has been with me..." She looked up to see Bobby watching her intently with amusement. A small smile played on his lips, his eyes twinkling. Another new interesting side of this incredible woman he thoroughly enjoys.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
"Well, anyway, i don't know why i'm telling you this, i can see you have some more important things to do than just hearing about my affair with some rollerskates..." She stopped as the intensity of Bobby's gaze made her feel a little uncomfortable.  
  
Bobby who has been fighting the feeling he has for the woman standing just few steps from him, forgetting everything, and finally followed the voices in his heart. He leaned in, and kissed her softly, surprising them both. Lindsay made no moves to reply the action, nor rejecting it. She just stood stun. Her eyes focussing on Bobby's which closed momentarily.  
  
" I'm sorry..I.." Bobby pulled back and began to apologize, as he finally came to grips of what's happening. Lindsay stopped him, by putting her finger on his lips, looking intently at him. The few seconds that felt like eternity to Bobby.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I have to go." She announced and making her way out from the office, her roll of paper that she   
  
was holding forgotten. Bobby didn't even have time to react, stared at the door after her quick exit. Admonishing himself for not holding his feeling in, but also feeling a bit of hope, something in her eyes tells him his feeling is reciprocated, or so he hope. With that he walked to his office, trying to get some work done, a very hard thing to do for his mind occupied by the thoughts of the golden brown haired girl who just left.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Part Four  
  
*  
  
*  
  
The next day  
  
*  
  
*  
  
The office expansion is finished.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
It's taken exactly six week like she had predicted. Lindsay looked at the office in full contentment. It's perfect. At least that's what she thought. She had come early that day. It's Friday, and she felt grateful that no one in there. Little did she know that Bobby was at his office, fell asleep on his desk. No work has been done that night. He couldn't take his mind off of Lindsay. Lindsay beginning to take some note of something she might want to ask the staff about, double last time checking. She jumped surprised, when she heard the door of Bobby's office opening.  
  
" Hey." He said. His tone sombre.  
  
" Hey." She greeted back, not really looking at him. Having finished taking notes, she was about to leave soon.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Don't go." She heard Bobby said." Please.." There was a plea in his voice she couldn't deny.  
  
She turned around, standing just few feet from the door. Bobby walked closer, but she put her hand up to stop him. She couldn't let him too close. That night, she'd been thinking about the kiss they shared. All her swirling emotions came flooding back multifolds. To make matter worse, her fiancee finally coming back from Chicago. He had already finished the program. He was sitting on the couch in her apartment, last night, a glass of wine in hand, and the whole apartment made up. Only made her wanna cry more. They had dinner, that for Lindsay feels like eternity. She could feel his eyes on her, and what seemed to be a normal gesture, made her feel uncomfortable. She head for her shower, while Sam insist on cleaning the dishes.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
She was on her bathroom crying, when Sam found her. She had lied to him, telling it was just wedding stress. He laughed at her then, kissing her. Well, let see how what can we do with that, he said. She cried a silent tears the whole time they made love, telling him that was tears of happiness, she doesn't think he's buying it, but he seemed to not want to press further. Lindsay felt like a traitor, only she didn't know which one she betrayed....  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" About last night..." He began, but seeing Lindsay shakes her head, and the tears started forming in her eyes he stopped. Her tears silences him faster than anyword could.   
  
" Don't Bobby, just don't. I can't..." She looked up at him pleadingly. It's the first time she looked up into that face today, those eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes which are now clouded, the face that pale, and she had to turn her eyes away.   
  
As much as he wanted to talk to her, she didn't want it. And he didn't want to press her further. He never meant to hurt her. He fell in love with her, and it was not her fault. She never led him on, he'd been trying not to, keep reminding himself she'd engaged, but damn his heart, couldn't take orders. Once a Donnell give their heart, there's no turning back, his Mom used to say, he never believe it, until now.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Lucy came in then, a perfect timing. She was about to greet them when she noticed the office. Yesterday, Lindsay has escorted everybody out from the office at around six, she wanted to make a surprise for them. Her final touch of the office.  
  
" Wow...This is amazing..." By then the other also coming in, giving their words of praise. Lindsay caught up in the exploration, while Bobby silently retreat back to his office. No body knew what had happened.  
  
*  
  
~ * ~  
  
*  
  
the night the same day  
  
Lindsay's apartment  
  
" Can a woman be in love with two men at a time, Helen?" Helen was somewhat thrown by the question. They were sitting on the couch supposedly watching 'My Bestfriend's Wedding'. It's the last girl's night out for just the two of them before Lindsay get married, next week. But Lindsay's been in detached stage, and everything that Helen did seemed to fail to capture her attention. Helen was first blame it on the wedding stress, and the fact that Sam's working on a Friday night, but now she's not so sure anymore.  
  
Lindsay was all too happy about the fact she won't be with Sam tonight. Something came up in the hospital, he has to take care of. So, she invited Helen.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" What?"   
  
" You heard me, will that make her kind of a whore or anything like that?"  
  
" Where is this coming from?" When Lindsay doesn't answer her Helen got even more curious. She turned off the television, and put her attention on Lindsay.  
  
" Lindsay?"  
  
" Oh...It's just a movie that i watch...the character..." Lindsay trailed of, she has a single tear running down her cheek, her eyes looking far away.  
  
" Yeah right, if it's a movie there won't be tears in your eyes." Helen tried to lighten the mood, And make herelf feels better, what Lindsay has told her kind of frightened her. It's obviously not working.  
  
" Linds, tell me, you know you can tell me anything." Helen reach out for Lindsay's hand, squeeze it tightly.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" It's just...The one is so strong and gentle, make me want to depend on him forever.." Helen shocked at this, how she changed the personal pronounce into 'me' confirmed her fear that Lindsay's talking about herself, but before she let that sink in Lindsay continued.   
  
" the other is so alone make me wanna be with him the whole time..." She finally looked back at Helen, who gasped lightly.  
  
" If a woman can't be in love with two guys at the same time, then wich one is my true love?" Lindsay finished with a whisper. The tears were streaming down Lindsay's face and Helen, not knowing what to say or do, drew her for a hug.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
It seemed like forever before finally Lindsay speak again, still from her friend's embrace.  
  
" I can't do this to Sam, he's so good to me, he loves me, and the wedding, his family, my family, everyone..." Lindsay cried again, and Helen held her even tighter, shocked of what she just heard. It's definitely bigger than just a simple wedding stress she thought Lindsay had.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" But Bobby..." That one get even more of Helen's attention, if that possible, but she tried to control the overwhelming desire of her to ask Lindsay, giving her the time to tell her story in her own timeschedule, knowing it's the best way. Lindsay is such a closed person, it must have been a while now. Helen admonished herself for not paying more attention, the look on Bobby's face everytime Lindsay appear, or even at the mention of her name, the smile arising from it, she should have known, She never seen Bobby like this not even when they were together. Certainly not then...And Lindsay, her troubled expression the past few weeks...She should have known...  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Bobby, I...he's so great, so beautiful, a mystery with each new discovery even more beautiful than before..i...i've never been like this..." after Lindsay felt somehow calmer, she drew herself away from Helen, looking at her with her teary eyes.  
  
" What should I do Helen? "   
  
" I don't know babe, I'm sorry, I don't know." Helen said after a very long pause. With that Lindsay was again crying on Helen shoulder. For all the things she has done, all the not knowing, the confussion, the guilt she had been feeeling the last few weeks.  
  
~ * ~  
  
Meanwhile at Bobby's office  
  
" She's engaged. Forget it!" Rebecca was trying to wake some sense into Bobby. He just told her about Lindsay and him, the feeling he had for her, the kiss, all the time they spent together.  
  
" I can't..."Bobby began but was cut off by Rebecca.  
  
" She's taken. Forget her, and move on. I can't believe you ...Look, she has someone's ring on her finger. The wedding's next week and..." Rebecca tried again in a calmer tone. She knew that it's not just a fling, or a crush. He had this look Rebecca never seen before. But she had to make him understand.  
  
" At least she's not married. There's still a chance." Bobby gave himself a hope by that statement.   
  
" Bobby, you can't be serious here, right? I mean...?"  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I have never feel like this with anyone else..." A huge pause "I think I'm in love with her." Rebecca shocked at this, but quickly recovered.  
  
" Even if you do, that doesn't change the fact that she's engaged to someone else, someone i can only presume she love, and if you just walk there, telling her that you love her..." Rebecca couldn't finish her sentence and felt her heart goes to Bobby, in the years that she had known him, she knew how afraid he was of love, and then, having fallen in love, he had fallen for someone's fiancee...  
  
" But..."  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" But what?...Bobby..." Rebecca sat even closer to Bobby on the couch, taking his hand in hers, squeezing it. Bobby looked up at her, a blank look on his eyes. Full of confussion, despair, sadness.  
  
" I love her...she's the only one...What should I do?"  
  
" I really don't know, I'm sorry." She squeezed his hand even tighter, and when she saw a single tear run down his cheek, she held him tight.  
  
~ * ~  
  
Back to Lindsay's place, pass midnight.  
  
" You and Bobby..." Helen tried to figure out what has happened, has they slept together, has it gone that far?  
  
" We didn't sleep together if that's what you wanna ask." Lindsay pulled herself away again, nervously playing with her fingernail.  
  
" So, what happened?"  
  
" I don't know Helen...I..We..He.." Lindsay didn't know where to start, or what actually to tell.  
  
" There was nothing to tell really, I mean it's probably just because I'm in a stress, you know, and well...try to find...I don't know Helen...And he never really..."  
  
" What actually happened?" Helen had to ask again.  
  
" He kissed me." Lindsay said after a long pause.  
  
" Did you kiss him back?"  
  
" No."  
  
" Linds, then what exactly happened?"  
  
" He..." Lindsay was going to start the story again when the doorbell rang. Helen quickly stood up, but Lindsay stopped her, composing herself, and started to walk to the door.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
She opened it to a red eyed Bobby. She was still considering on asking him to come in when she heard Bobby said.  
  
" I love you, Lindsay."  
  
Lindsay looked at him wide eyed, apparently shock of what she just heard. Before she could respond he put his hand up stopping her.  
  
" I do love you, and You don't have to say anything. I don't expect you to love me back, I extremely aware of the fact that you're engaged now, and that you love your fiancee..." his voice faltered." I've been telling that to myself but..." He shook his head slowly.   
  
"I just can't go on, without telling you how I feel. And I'm sorry for being selfish, I never meant to hurt you, But i probably have...and you have done absolutely nothing wrong Lindsay, you never led me on or anything...It's just me...and you being you..." He noticed a single tear rolling down Lindsay's face. "I...I'm sorry." There were unshed tears in his eyes he so desperately trying to keep at bay. Lindsay'd been hurt enough she didn't need it. A huge pause, while they stared at each other.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I hope...I hope you're happy with Bobby." Bobby finally broke the silence, still looking intently at her.  
  
" Sam...his name is Sam." Lindsay said correcting Bobby's sentence, slowly, but surely. Bobby was shocked realising what he just said.  
  
" Yeah...Sam." He said after a few momment of silence, " Bye, Linds..." and left, his heart breaking.  
  
Lindsay unable to say or do anything, and just looking staright ahead while Bobby made his way to the elevator, never looked back.  
  
Helen who were listening but not being seen, had tears in her eyes also. She hates to admit it but she's a hopeless romantic, and it was just so sweet. She noticed Lindsay still looking shock, closing the door, and walked back to the couch. Helen followed soon after.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Lindsay..."  
  
" Not now, Helen." Lindsay was again near tears. Too many tears shed that night. They again fell to silence, Lindsay, too engrossed in her own mind, and Helen not knowing what to say or do.  
  
" I have to go." Lindsay announced after almost an hour of silence.   
  
" Linds..." Helen didn't have the time to finish since Lindsay already gone. She tried to follow Lindsay but the elevator door's closed on her, and she cursed the fact that Lindsay lives in the fifth floor leaving her breathless when she reached the bottom floor through the stairs. She lost her.  
  
*  
  
~ * ~  
  
*  
  
The pounding of the door startled Bobby, who had a beer on his hand, a defeated look on his face. After going to Lindsay's place he decided to come back to his apartment. He used to find refuge in his office everytime he's faced with problem, but he thought the office will just going to remind him of something he's lost, though he knew he never really have it. Every corner of that place remind him of the only thing that's on his mind, Lindsay. Bobby opened the door to a very distraught Lindsay. She stormed inside, slamming the door behind her, giving him no time to respond.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" You have no right to do that to me! I'll be married next week, everything is so perfect, and I... Why are you doing this to me?" She pointed at him angrily, but he saw pain beneath all the anger.  
  
" Linds..." He tried to reach her.  
  
" No, don't! Sam, He's a good man, he respect me, and love me, and...and...Damn it...How can you just say that, make me doubt everything again...Why are you doing this to me?" She had tears in her eyes, a look of total confusion.  
  
" Linds..." He was cut off again but this time, by her lips touching his, she kissed him, passionately.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Part Five  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I gotta tell Sam."  
  
" I'll go with you."  
  
" No, don't Bobby, It's better if I do this alone. You...Please...I have to do this alone."  
  
" Lindsay..."  
  
" I need to do this alone!"  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Lindsay nervously waited until the elevator bring her to Sam's floor. She slowly made her way to his apartment, hating what she's about to do, but knowing she couldn't prolonged it any longer.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Sweetheart, hi." The tall browned eyed doctor greeted Lindsay." Where were you, I was so worried, I called you, you weren't home, and Helen told me you were at a friend's house..." He noticed the tears in her eyes.  
  
" Hey...What's wrong?" He reached up, but Lindsay stopped him, taking his hand, hating the fact she was about to break this great man's heart.  
  
" Let's sit." They sat on the couch, face to face, Lindsay still holding his hand in hers.  
  
" Why all the seriousness. You're not telling me you'll runaway with someone else aren't you?" Sam tried to joke around his nervousness. " I know I shouldn't have let you watch that Runaway Bride movie...you can get the idea..." Lindsay can't control it anymore, and cried even harder.  
  
" Lindsay..."  
  
" I'm sorry, Sam. I..."  
  
" Lindsay..."   
  
~ * ~  
  
" Is Bobby here?" The distinguished looking man asked Lucy, in an angry tone. It's saturday, but everyone were at the office, bar Bobby. They were rearranging their things, and Lucy has some files to short through.  
  
" No, he's ..." But before she finished her sentenced, Bobby coming through the door, stopping at his track recognizing the man standing in the office.  
  
" Sam?" he said a little shocked.  
  
" So, you're Bobby." The man didn't take a second before hitting him hard over and over. Lucy and Rebecca, the only one in the main office were screaming. Bobby didn't do anything to defend himself, he knew any physical pain won't compare to the pain he has instilled in Sam. Eugene coming from his office, while Jimmy and Ellenor who were in the conference room also quickly made their way to the main office.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Eugene and Jimmy soon took Sam off of Bobby while the women coming nearer to help Bobby. Rebecca kneel down and hold him, while Lucy and Ellenor merely watching, and winces at the bruises and blood.  
  
" You're okay?" Rebecca asked Bobby.  
  
" Yeah." Bobby looked up at Sam." I'm sorry." He said sincerely.  
  
Everyone gasped in shocked. The man who's beaten for no apparent reason, is asking forgiveness? What really happened?  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Sam shrug himself off of Eugene and Jimmy and walked out from the office, surprised to find Lindsay standing in the doorway. Nobody noticed her standing there shocked of what just happened. She had come there, after Sam made a quick exit after she told him what has happened. She arrived, and watched as Sam beat the hell out of Bobby, but she couldn't do anything. The gentle man she so used to accostumed with has become a violent lion all because of what she did.  
  
Sam walked pass her without so much glance her way.   
  
" Sam...wait." Lindsay was about to follow him, but the weak sound of Bobby calling her name drew her back.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Lindsay..." He tried to stand but stumble on his effort, before Rebecca helped him steady.   
  
Lindsay turned around slowly, gasped at the sight of Bobby, bruised and battered. She wanted to step towards him but her legs seemed to refuse her order. Rebecca tried to walked Bobby to his office to attend his injury, but he stood still, locking gaze with Lindsay who just seemed so lost and fragile. Putting two and two together, Rebecca vaguely figure what has happened. Everyone looked on curious as to what has happened but not knowing what to say or do.   
  
" What the hell happened?" Lucy breaking the silence, voicing the things that's been on everyone's mind. No one answered. But this time Lindsay moved closer to Bobby, took him from Rebecca.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Let me." She said softly, and helping him to his office, away from all the curious stares of the rest of the office.  
  
" You sit here." Lindsay seated Bobby on the couch before getting some water to clean the injury.   
  
" I'm sorry..." A tear slide down her cheek as she clean Bobby's beaten face, sitting next to him. Bobby was about to say something, when she shook her head, not wanting to hear him say that it's not her fault, because it's entirely her doing, she's the cause. So instead, Bobby reached out to wipe her tears, but it only make her cry more, so he stopped and put his hand on her thigh, needing contact.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
So many question swirling in his mind, but he kept it inside. It was not really a good time to talk. The night before, they had talked about everything. They settled on a lot of things as well. He had poured what's on his head and his heart to her, and gave all the right to choose solely in her hand.   
  
He remembered saying," If it's me Linds, it's great, wonderful, fantastic....but if it's not...I know that you'll still be happy, cos you deserve nothing less, and you being happy is more than enough for me..." and he meant every word of it.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
One thing that made him really happy, She had told him that she loved him too. She often shared her stories with Sam, showing him pictures, making him understand how much he had hurt that guy. He's a great guy, that one Bobby can tell. From all her stories, he knew, and he felt bad for him. He felt guilty, and not blaming him one bit for beating him. He would have done the same maybe more if he were in his position. Right then, though, he was just glad that he had Lindsay within his reach, that she was staying with him. That morning he had been scared and afraid that she would change her mind, that she would destroy the beautiful future he was just starting to have the courage to imagine, but she was there with him then, and that's all that matters.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" You should see a doctor..." Lindsay break the silence, Her voice broke at the last word, no doubt remembering the doctor who had done that to him.  
  
" I'm okay." Bobby said, looking at her still attending his bruises. She looked up at him, her eyes pleading. " But, I'll see a doctor, just to make sure." He paused for a while. " Would you go with me...I don't think I..."  
  
" Let's go." She grabbed her key and walked outside with him.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
" What the hell happened?" Lucy repeated her question, getting no answer on her first try. A long silence again for no one really understand what's really going on.  
  
" I think it's not our business, let's just continue our work, and clean up this mess." Rebecca tried to get everyone off of what has just happened.  
  
" You know something, do you, Bec?" Lucy still not wanting to give up asking her.   
  
" Know what Lucy, I don't know anything, and it's really not our business." Again Rebecca tried.  
  
" Bec, it is our business, that guy bursting here, making chaos, and we're expected to just be quiet?" Jimmy also asking, curious.  
  
" Look, It's not my place to explain, I don't really know anything anyway..."  
  
" So something's happened?" Ellenor deducted.  
  
They were silenced as Bobby with Lindsay's arm around his waist supporting him, coming out from his office.  
  
*  
  
*   
  
" We'll go home, now. I'll see you all Monday." Bobby ignoring all the curious stare from his colleagues, and walked out from the office.  
  
" That two..." Lucy trailed off, not really sure about what she's been thinking. She looked at Bec, wanting an explanation.  
  
" Oh My God..." Lucy remembering what Bobby called the guy. " No wonder he's beating him like that, he stole his fiancee." Lucy stated bluntly. It doesn't take a genious now to put the pieces together. Everyone silently agreed. And they soon began to continue their work, though questions are still on their mind.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Lindsay opened the door to Bobby's apartment,helping him getting inside and settled.  
  
" Here, take this." She gave him the painkiller pills the doctor gave along with a glass of water.  
  
" Thanks." Bobby who was lying on the bed looked at her, trying to gauge her emotions. She had been so silent and so withdrawn with her own mind along the way, even until then, and he didn't seem to be able to get through.  
  
" I have to go." Lindsay announced suddenly.  
  
" Linds..." Bobby getting up, trying to stop her.  
  
" Bobby, please....I...I have to go."  
  
" Lindsay...."  
  
" You just rest, sleep, and get better." Lindsay kissed his cheek fastly," I'll see you..." and make her way to the door, leaving a nervous and ponderous Bobby behind. Bobby wanted to follow her and comfort her, making sure that she would stay with him, always, and that she wouldn't change her mind, but he knew that she had to make that choice by herself.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Part Six  
  
*  
  
*  
  
She wasn't able to sleep that night, still feeling so lost and guilty. So many things needed to be taken care of, not the mention of the wedding that's been called off, or explanation to make to her family, Sam's family, friends, relatives. She finally gave up on trying to sleep, and instead watching her favorite video. Sam gave that cassette to her on her last birthday. It's a clip of her milestone, her birth, her first step, her performances on school dramas, the clips from her hockey games, right up until her graduation day. Also so much of her times with Helen, her family, and ofcourse the clips of them together. She smiles a lot on those clips, so happy, carefree, though some shows some of her down times as well. The songs playing on the background are all her favourites, 'my girl', hers and her dad's song, 'that's what friends are for' and 'you've got a friend', hers and Helen's, and so many more. Sam's handwriting of 'Keep smiling, Lindsay', signaling the end of the video. It's a very beautiful, thoughtful gift she cherises so much. But, On that birthday, at 11.34 p.m., the exact minutes of her birth, in this very room, on this very couch, with candlelights that he set up, on what she thought was for her birthday, the best present came to her. He proposed to her, and she was all but shouting yes.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
The next couple of months filled with preparations for the wedding, Sam wanted to marry her rightaway, and she didn't want to wait either. Both their family support them, although at the start of their relationship her father has a bit of a problem with it. And now, just one week before that so much awaited day, she is sitting there all alone, hiding from the world. She sent Helen home, and she didn't want to meet Bobby, or any other person for that matter. After taking him to a doctor, and knowing that he'll be fine, she drove Bobby home, and after getting him comfortable enough, she excused herself, needing to be alone, wanting to be alone.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
The knock on the door waking Lindsay from her reverie. She tied her robe, and stumbling her way into the door, and noticing how late it was, wondering who's knocking on her door at 2.30 at night.   
  
" Sam...what are you doing?" She smelled the alcohol on his breath, and noticed the bottle of alcohol still on his hand. Sam lurched forward and fall to her arm, mumbling things she couldn't really make out.  
  
" You're drunk." She helped him to the couch and spring to action, helping him. She went to get him some water, but when she got back he already fell asleep. She watched him from the chair accros from the couch, thinking again how she finally end up in this mess. The flash of Bobby's smiling face came to her mind and she again cried, and finally exhausted emotionaly and physically, she fell to an uncomfortable sleep.  
  
  
  
*  
  
~ * ~  
  
*  
  
" Good Morning..." Lindsay greeted Sam the next morning. He's still half asleep, on the couch, suffering hangover.   
  
" Morning..." He greeted back. She hands him the water and pills she brought for him, sat on the table in front of him and watched as he obediently drank it.  
  
" Thanks..." Sam gave the now empty glass to her, and she set it down on the table.  
  
" I'm sorry...I don't know why I came here, I better go now." Sam tried to stand but the pain in his head causing him to stop and sit back down to the couch.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Don't go anywhere...Please, just stay.." she looked at him " at least until you get better, It's okay...really..." Lindsay helped him settled again on the couch.  
  
" You want something to eat?"   
  
" No." Another awkward pause. Lindsay began to stood up and walked away but Sam's hand stopped her. " Linds....can you stay here...please.." Sam looked at her pleadingly, and Lindsay sit next to him. He put his arm around her, and naturally she rested her head on his shoulder.   
  
The pictures she had lastnight come again to her mind and she couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Sam noticed this, nine years knowing this woman has given him privilege to know her body language.  
  
" Sweetheart..?" He turned so he can face her, and lifted her chin. He saw those blue eyes filled with tears.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I'm sorry, Sam..." she burried her head in his chest, saying sorry over and over again. Sam held her tightly, needing her close though it just added to the pain in his heart. Lindsay told him everything that morning, how she gradually fall in love with Bobby, and his heart break at the thought. He wished he can say that it's okay and that she's forgiven, but he can't lie to her. He pushed his needs aside and tried to comfort her. He knew Lindsay's also feeling hurt right now. She hate the fact that she hurt others. Noticing the cover of the cassette on the table, he turned to see the now blank tv screen.  
  
" Remember the first time we met, Linds?" It was quite a story, he knew always make her smile. But she wasn't smiling then. She pulled away and looked at him. The pain and confussion he saw in her eyes almost make him cry.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I've never want to kiss someone so bad." He never told her this, and she looked at him quizically.  
  
" That's the only way I thought would work to silence you."  
  
Lindsay smiled lightly at the memories. She knew what he's doing. He always put her first, pushing his own needs away. That only made her want to cry more, but she held it in.  
  
" Then, why didn't you?" She played along.  
  
" I don't think that would make a good first kiss." He paused. " And that that only going to even provoke you further into yelling at me..."He added playfully.  
  
" I wasn't yelling."   
  
" Okay...If you say so." He agreed.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
They met on a crowded supermarket, it was two days before Christmas, and they were doing their last shopping. It was Lindsay's first year at Harvard, and she was shopping alone, Helen already left for her family, and she need to buy a present for her 7 year old cousin. Sam was also trying to find something for his niece, and they picked the same item at the same time. It was the only one left, a beautiful music box, with ballerina dancing inside to a beautiful instrumental song. They fought about who have the right to have it, childish, but they both have had a rotten day, exhausted, and in very bad mood, not caring that their childish fight has drawned people attention. They stopped upon noticing a little girl who were standing nearby, clinging to her mother's dress tightly, and seemed to be afraid of them. They looked at each other and laughed and started making apologies to each other. They finally bought that together, 50-50, and gave that to that little girl.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I'm really sorry for that girl." Lindsay smiled remembering.  
  
" Yeah, hearing a Lindsay Dole yelling is not a good thing for a four year old." He pulled her close again. She swatted him lightly.  
  
" But, relax, nothing compare to a certain Mr. Dole's yelling." They both chuckled.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
After that first meeting, they exchange number, and had their first date on New Year's eve. A big coincidence, that Sam was Lindsay's dad student. He was a resident in the hospital where Lindsay's dad worked as a surgeon. The momment Mr. Dole found out he gave Sam hell, both outside and inside the hospital. He respected Sam and was certain that he was going to be a great doctor, but his barely 18 years old daughter was not supposed to go out with this 25 years old man. After few months, they stopped dating, but finally get back together, five years ago. Her father still not really fond of their relationship, but they continued it, and finally had everyone's blessing.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" He was just worried that his little daughter went out with an older guy." She teased him.  
  
" You always went out with older guys." He retorted.  
  
" Not as old as you." She replied and paused. " I used to be afraid." Lindsay looked at him and continued, when Sam looked at her questioningly, she added. " That you will always think that I'm too young." She looked at him fondly. Remembering how he broke the relationship off, she remember all too well how Helen accompanied her talking all night, consoling her. Sam remember the time when he let her go, for what he thought was better for her, she was so young, so beautiful, so innocent, that he was afraid that he wasn't good enough, and strong enough to protect her.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" It's not like I can do anything about it." Sam finally replied seriously, looking deep in to her eyes. " No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many times I tell my heart not to, it's just too stubborn, and continue loving you." She saw the pain in his eyes, and tears filling hers once again. She hated it that she hurt him. He's a great man, the man she thought she would love for eternity, the man she thought she would spent the rest of her life with. She never thought that she'd be wrong.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Please...Don't cry." Sam slowly wiped the tears, pulling away from her.  
  
" I love you, you know that, and I won't lie to you by saying that I'm not hurting or ...." A pause as he took her hand in his. " I hurt, but I'll get pass this, It's a phase I have to take, I'm sure of that, I love you, and not even this make me regret that. You are the best thing that ever happen to me, I'm so gratefull for each and every seconds that we've spent together." He held her hand tighter as she cried silently. Her head bent down, her eyes looking at their joined hands. He wanted to engulf her in his protective arm and made her stop crying, but he needed to say this things, and he knew she needed to hear it too. No matter how painful it is now, it'll make both of them feel better.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" You can't pick who you fall in love with, Linds." He paused looking at her intently. "I was mad, hurt, betrayed..." He shook his head remembering how he had beaten Bobby that morning. " But I'm starting to understand now. It will just take time, and all of that will be healed." She looked up at him, wanting so much that he was saying the truth, and she knew he was." I'll be okay, and maybe in the future there will be a time, when I look back at this moment and laugh, remembering that at one time, I was so madly in love with one very stubborn Lindsay Dole..." They both smiled slightly.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" but there would be no pain, only memories, the beautiful memories...." He paused, while she still looking at him, mesmerised by this great man that once was her love.   
  
" It may be a long journey, but I will be able to get through it, so stop crying over me...I'll be okay." A huge pause and finally Sam said the word he'd been struggling to say.  
  
" I wish...I really wish that you'll be happy with Bobby..." Lindsay looked up at him, there was no point in stopping her tears then.  
  
" He must have been a great guy to be able to steal your heart...I do wish you both to be happy." Sam looked at her sincerely.  
  
She wanted to reach out and hold him, but afraid that she will only added to his pain, but when he released her hand, and opened his arm to her, and said " You can hug me now..." she took no time in going to his arm.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Thank You, Sam." She said sincerely after a few momments. He helped her heal the pain and guilt in her heart when all that she deserve was his hate and contempt. He knew that there will be a long way before he'd be able to erase his love for the great woman cuddled in his arm, but he'd make it somehow. They stayed that way for a long time, before finally, Sam pulled back.  
  
" You were asking if I wanted to eat?" He asked her smiling softly. He's feeling better now, there's so much pain to be healed, but he knew he was right, time will heal everything.  
  
" Pancake, you go take a shower, get change..."  
  
" And we'll meet again in the kitchen in ...say...fifteen?" He finished for her. They smiled at each other.  
  
" Okay. You got a deal" Lindsay watched him as he walk to the bathroom, and finally she made her way to the kitchen.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Part Seven  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" He said that? Oh God, Linds...I wish I were you, you know, getting two incredible guys falling like that for me..." Helen leaned forward, resting both her hands on the table. They were having lunch on their favourite place, and Lindsay just told Helen of her conversation with Sam that morning.  
  
" You dumped Bobby, Helen, don't forget that!" Lindsay said while waving her hand trying to get the waiter's attention.  
  
" I didn't dump him, It was a mutual decision, and anyway...He was never serious with me, and everybody knew that, If I remember correctly, you were one of those people who told me to stay away from him. Now, look at yourself." Helen teased, trying to coax a smile from Lindsay.   
  
" Funny!" Lindsay smiled a little.  
  
The waiter finally came and took their order.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I don't think I'll ever find 'the one'." Helen sighed dramatically, after the waiter left.  
  
" That's because you're never been serious in relationship." Lindsay said truthfully.  
  
" What can I say, I mean, 'men'...when they see me, they see fun, bed, and now, when they see you, they see happiness, a house, and a future."   
  
When Lindsay merely shook her head and smiled, Helen continued.  
  
" I mean they take you to their home, introduce you to their family, secretly hoping that this is the woman, that i'll marry one day, but to me...they take me to their place and not too secretly hoping that this is the woman I'm gonna sleep with...oh...hopefully today." She said with mock seriousness, and looked at Lindsay sadly.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" That's not true." Lindsay tried to bit back her laughed, but failed, and let out a chuckle.  
  
" Yes, Linds...Admit it!...And you're laughing at me..." Helen looked at Lindsay with her best 'pity me' expression. But finally smiled, happy seeing her friend laughing, the last few days she has seen more tears than smile from Lindsay, It's good that she finally had everything sorted out, well almost everything anyway.  
  
" You'll find the one Helen, trust me." Lindsay assured her friend.  
  
The waiter came and brought their order. They finished their meal in silence, occasionally talking about nothing.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" So...When will you tell your parents" Helen got to serious talk.  
  
" I don't know. I've called April, the wedding planner, and she said she'll take care of everything, but I haven't got the courage to talk to my family, or Sam's." Lindsay looked down and traces the ring still rounding her finger. She hasn't been able to take it off, it would be final, Sam is like her whole adult years, and until few weeks ago, her future...and to take this ring, is like she's taking some security she has, and walking to an unknown territory, that she's still afraid of.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Have you talked to Bobby,... after yesterday?" Helen noticed her motion. Wondering why Lindsay hadn't taken the ring off.  
  
" He called a few times last night and twice again this morning, but I told him Sam was there, and that wasn't the right time to talk..."  
  
" So, when is?"   
  
" Who are you Helen, his or my bestfriend? Why are you asking me that question?" Lindsay looked everywhere but at Helen.  
  
" Linds, you know you have to talk to them soon, I mean, it will be so bad if they heard from one of their friends who called and say 'sorry about the wedding'." Lindsay knew Helen was right. But she was afraid and felt doubtful about everything. There was a long silence before Lindsay finally spoke.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I'm afraid..." she trailed off.  
  
" Of..."   
  
" Of disappointing and hurting everyone, I know I've done that already but, to actually said that, to finally tell them the truth, it would be...very hard." She choked on her last word.  
  
" I mean this would be a very big blow for them...My parents, my brother, they love Sam, even Dad consider him as his own son now, ..." She paused as tears pooled on her eyes. Helen knew it would be very hard for her, Lindsay's been her family little princess, though they're not really a harmonized family, but it's obvious that they all love and adore her.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" And Sam's family..." Lindsay took tissue from her purse. " They've accepted me as a family, and I regard them as mine too, even closer than my own ...I...I'm afraid Helen." She finally looked up at Helen, wiped the tears from her face.   
  
" Sam said that he could talk to his family about this, but I can't let him do that, I have to do this. I'm the one who ruined everything, so...the least i can do is telling them."  
  
" Yes, but you don't have to be alone." Helen took her hand and looked at her friend's tearstained face.  
  
" What do you mean?"  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" You can take Bobby with you I'm sure..."  
  
" No, I can't do that...I..."  
  
" Linds...He loves you, you know that...He would be there for you, I'm sure he will..."  
  
" Helen I..."  
  
" And you love him too...Like it or not...you'll need him on this." Lindsay stayed silence, looking at the table. She hated it but Helen was right.  
  
" At least when you talk to your family, Linds. It would be very hard...or...do you want me to go with you?"  
  
" No...I...I think you're right. I'll talk to them...maybe tonight." She looked up." I'll asked Bobby to come with me."  
  
" Good luck!" Helen smiled and squeezed her hand tightly.  
  
Lindsay smiled unsurely, nodded her thanks.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Part eight  
  
" Lindsay...It's so good to see you again. Sam's lying when he said you couldn't come." Diane Rogers, Sam's mother hugs her tightly. Lindsay's like a daughter she never had.  
  
" He's playing piano with Maya inside. Well, come in...Everyone's here." Maya is Sam's niece.  
  
" Everyone?" Lindsay had her fear again. She knew coming on Sunday night would mean that she would see the whole family, they used to have dinner together on Sunday, or other day if someone can't come, but it's a weekly routine, that no one dare to miss, and she had thought that it would be better to tell them at once, so she doesn't have to repeat telling the news over and over. But she's so afraid now, and feeling alone. She decided that she would talk to Sam's family alone, it would be too much for all of them to bring Bobby along. But she really needs a company right now, coming here, breaking the news that will certainly break their hearts...Diane's voice brought her back to the present.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Yes...You're timing's not really that good sweetheart, we just finish dinner. Have you eaten yet?" Lindsay nodded her head knowing if she tell Diane she hasn't been able to keep food down since the few stick of potatoes that she manage to eat at lunch today, she'll have the whole family forcing her to eat. Diane led Lindsay to the family room where everyone seated. Sam was playing the piano, while Maya sang, to the song 'Tomorrow'. It was Lindsay's favourite.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Everyone give their warm greeting and hug, and seated her on her favourite chair, near the piano. It's Sam's chair, and they always sit there together, where she usually takes the armrest, or sits on the carpet in front of it, while playing with Brian.  
  
" Lindseeeee..." Brian, the 5 year old boy, coming from the kitchen, his mother in tow, run to her lap, and hug her tightly. " I miss you." Lindsay wanted to cry then and there, all of this people were her family, John, Sam's older brother and Grace his wife, their two children, Brian and Maya, Diane, and Sam's father, Daniel, who's more a father to her than her own.  
  
" I miss you too, sweetie." She told him sincerely, and kissed his cheek. she was there on the day he was born, waiting nervously outside of the labour room with Sam. She hasn't seen them for nearly three weeks now, she had no courage going there all alone while Sam was gone, with her heart in turmoil, so she kept saying that she's been busy with work, and wedding preparations, and missed the last two dinner.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Sam, knowing what she was about to do sit on Lindsay's usual spot on the armrest of her chair. She looked at him, drawing strength from him, and looked back at the family in front of her, all looking curiously at her, and Sam took her hand and squeezed it lightly, giving her the strength to tell them everything.  
  
" Oh My God...You're pregnant." Maya, said and smiled exitedly before Lindsay speak.  
  
" Really?...Is it true?" Diane was smiling too, and Sam hold up his hand silencing them.  
  
" She's not pregnant..." He trailed off, feeling his heart breaking for he didn't know how many times that day, everytime he remember the woman whose hand was clinging to his tightly. He looked at her and saw her pale face, and decided that he would save her trouble, he would tell his family.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Lindsay and I...we decided to called off the wedding." He said firmly. Everyone's silent, including Lindsay who watched him, her eyes again filled with tears, she thought she had no tears left after crying so much the last few days, her eyes already red and swollen from crying, she took great care of her make up today, trying to hide that.  
  
" What..? Why...?" Maya asked astonished. She loved Lindsay like a sister, they're so closed.   
  
" It's just that..." Sam didn't finish his sentence for Lindsay already cutting him off.  
  
" It's entirely my fault." She looked up, summoning all of her courage to tell them the truth.  
  
" I met someone..." She didn't get to finish her sentence.  
  
" You cheated on him? How could you?" Maya is screaming at her.  
  
" Please, let her finish..." Sam again came to her rescue.  
  
" Uncle Sam, I can't believe you! You..You..She's cheating on you, called off the wedding ONE WEEK before the day...and...and...here you are HOLDING HER HAND, while she break the news..." Maya is crying now. She's one of the biggest fan of their relationship, and she's so closed to her uncle. She knew how much he loves Lindsay, and hating the fact that she's breaking his heart. She looked at Lindsay's hand noticing that the ring no longer there. She run upstairs to one of the room, and slammed the door behind her.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Grace began to stand, and retrieved little Brian, who apparently afraid of his sister's outburst, from Lindsay.  
  
" I'll talk to her." The fact is, she also wanted to stay away from this painful momment. She has known Sam for almost fifteen years, the first person he told, after caught them jogging together at a park one morning, that he was in love with Lindsay, nine years ago. She has been his sounding board ever since. They watched her go.  
  
" It's not entirely her fault I'm to blame myself..." Sam tried to saved her again.  
  
" No, you're not!" Lindsay looked at Sam. She looked back at the shock faces in front of her.   
  
" I...he's a lawyer, I worked for his office renovation, and i really..." She trailed of, noticing Diane's eyes that welled up with tears. " I'm sorry...I really don't mean for this to happen...I..." The tears fell, and Lindsay wiped them with her free hand. Sam squeezed her hand tighter.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I don't ask for your forgiveness, I know I hurt you...and...I really am sorry for that..."  
  
" Who is he?" Diane spoke up. She's the closest person to Lindsay in this family, next to Sam.  
  
" His name is Bobby Donnell, he's a criminal defense attorney, we met few months back but..."  
  
" I don't need your little love story." Diane cut her not too kindly, stood up, and went upstairs to see her daughter in law and her grandchildren.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Lindsay's left with the man of the family. They're way less emotional, but she knew she hurt them as much. She looked down not daring to meet their eyes.  
  
" Come here, sweetheart." Daniel voiced shook her. She looked up and Daniel extended his hand to her. Warily Lindsay stood, and walked to where Daniel was sitting, and sat next to him, letting him hold her. She often curled beside him on the couch, sharing her days with him, or him telling stories of his youth, something she barely did with her own father.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I'm so sorry..." She started with her tears again fell, but Daniel stopped her.  
  
" Ssshh...I know...I know, sweetheart..." Lindsay didn't really know how to react. Daniel calming voice calmed her down a little. She's hurting his family, and here he is holding her, trying to make her feel better. She looked up at Sam, who now, has John's hand on his shoulder. Sam's a great guy, and she's left with no doubt where he get that quality from.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I really want to meet this Bobby Donnell." Daniel finally spoke after Lindsay calmed down, and they all fell to silence.  
  
" I want to teach him some lesson for stealing my future daughter in law..." Daniel said playfully.  
  
" I think i already handled that, Dad, don't worry!" Sam replied equally playful.  
  
" He's outside..." Lindsay trailed off.  
  
" Maybe not tonight...I think you should leave now, Linds. It's getting really late, and he's been waiting there forever." John suggested wisely.  
  
" Yeah...I'm sorry..." Lindsay looked at the stairs." Tell everyone I'm really sorry..." She stopped.  
  
" Goodnight." She kissed Daniel and John goodbye.  
  
" I'll walk you outside." Sam offered.  
  
They walked outside together in silence.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Before reaching the front door though she stopped, remembering the ring on her pocket. She took it and held it out to Sam.  
  
" It's yours...I don't think I have the right..." Lindsay hated herself for not able to finish her sentence, she's been having that a lot lately.  
  
" Okay." Sam took the ring, actually wanting to say that she could keep it, but it would probably not a good idea. It's over now. He had to move on.  
  
He helped her with her coat, and they walked outside, to where Bobby was waiting.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Sam...I'm..."  
  
" Sorry..." Sam looked at her smiling. Lindsay smiled back a little.  
  
" I don't know what else to say." Sam stopped, and looked at her, forcing Lindsay to stop too.  
  
" Linds...I'll be okay..." He puts his hands on her shoulder. " I promise, and my family, they will be too. I'll have them call you when they're ready."  
  
" You don't have to.."  
  
" I want to."  
  
They resumed walking and reached Bobby's car, he was pacing on the sidewalk, feeling so damned nervous, not knowing what else to do. He wanted to accompany Lindsay but he knew it wasn't realy a smart idea. When he noticed them walking slowly to him, he stopped. Looking at Sam who's very different then, than he was the day before. His rage gone, and he saw sorrow.   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" Hey, Bobby." Sam greeted him, and shook his hand.  
  
" Hey." Bobby greeted back, understanding now, why Lindsay had felt so guilty. Sam's a very great man, with big heart.  
  
" We didn't get to a good start yesterday, I'm sorry." Sam said sincerely.  
  
" No..It was okay..I'd do it again if I were you." Bobby said seriously, then added " I'm the one who supposed to be apologizing for..."  
  
" Accepted." Sam quickly responded. They looked at each other knowingly. " Take care of her." Sam said after a long pause, both men looking at each other, but no vengeance nor hatred there, only understanding...   
  
*  
  
*  
  
" I will." Bobby promised wholeheartedly, looking lovingly at Lindsay, whose standing awkwardly near them. Sam looked at both of them, noticing the loving gaze Bobby bestowed upon Lindsay, and know, that he would keep his promise.  
  
" Okay...Well...Good luck for both of you...Goodnight." Sam kissed Lindsay's cheek good bye, hugged her tightly, whispered on her ear telling her to take care, and shook Bobby's hand once again, and walked back to his house.   
  
Lindsay and Bobby looked at him. Bobby drew his gaze away, and rested his eyes on Lindsay, taking her hand in his.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
" How are you?" He kissed her hand.  
  
" I'll be okay." She replied truthfully, looking at him. It was a hard thing to do, but she knew Sam's right, they'll all be okay.   
  
" How are they?" Bobby motioning to the house.  
  
" They'll be okay...I hope." She replied in a whisper, staring at the house. Bobby looked at her again, she still had her eyes on the house. He squeezed her hand lightly.  
  
" Let's go...I want to reach Cambridge before midnight." Bobby tugged her hand and led her to the passenger seat of the car. Lindsay followed, feeling her past has been closed, and a future is opening before her.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Can't believe I finally finish...It's the first TP fanfic I've finished...  
  
Hope you like it, feedback would be highly appreciated, please tell me what you think/feel. 


End file.
